The Apocalypse of the Geese

  • Posted: February 2, 2020
  • Category: Blog
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Back in the day, many of our field crews worked the wind swept plains of Wyoming. One of our survey crews, making up for lost time on a lonely Wyoming back road, ran into an eagle. That’s right – an eagle. Were they going so fast that they were flying low? Only they knew for sure.

But as the plainsman say, eagles, fixated on a tasty piece of road kill will ignore the physics of encounters with fast moving vehicles and swoop down for a tasty morsel on the road. Whatever the reason, our survey crew took an eagle in the pickup’s grill, rendering both the eagle and the F-150 hors de combat.

The dead eagle soon became a cause celebre as the sheriff, the highway patrol, BLM, Fish & Game, etc. rode to the scene of the crime. While accused murders have Miranda, those who assault raptors are simply grist for the regulatory mill. Though the frenzy subsided after a few days, our crew’s immersion in the kangaroo court of non-human jurisprudence resembled more the tribunals of the Spanish Inquisition than the workings of Law & Order.

As I recall, we – i.e. the company- paid a fine of a few thousand dollars and we all went on our way. But it was safe to say, at least in my own opinion – neither due process nor fair play were observed. And so I was moved to smile at the prominently situated article in Friday’s Denver Post – U.S. to ease bird-killing rules. The Trump Administration says business should not have to fear prosecution for incidental deaths (birds).

The first sentence of the article, the only non-prejudicial sentence in the piece, states:

“The Trump Administration moved Thursday to drop the threat of punishment to oil & gas companies, construction crews and other organizations that kill birds ‘incidentally’,”

Of course the rest of the lengthy piece was a dreary collection of quotes from various “Friends of the Birds”. The reporter, Lisa Friedman of the New York Times, is the Climate Change Reporter for the New York Times. In that position she is a serious voice in the energy and environmental policies of our nation – and the world. Though Ms. Friedman, burdened as she is by the weight of her responsibilities, has not abandoned whimsy, proudly noting in her bio – “she still tweets about puppies”.

One believes Ms. Friedman to be well versed in theology, perhaps a graduate of the Seminary. In her writings she borrows liberally from the Apocalypse of John otherwise known as the Bible’s final book, Revelations. She leaves no innuendo of dirty dealing by the oil & gas folks forgotten or dire prediction of mass extinction caused by the Trump Administration unmade. Of course, little mention is made of the mass avian slaughter caused by wind turbines.

The article in the Post dovetailed with television’s coverage of First Gentleman Marlon Reis the previous day. On the local news, Mr. Reis was featured speaking before a meeting of concerned citizens protesting the city’s goose management efforts. It seems that Mr. Reis, despite his close connection to our Governor, had been blind sided by the City of Denver’s decision to cull the great masses of geese competing for space with the homeless in our parks and open spaces. The fact that the geese in question would then be served as entrees for those homeless only compounded the maliciously intended injustice of the City’s unconscionable actions.

Marlon Reis, self-described as a “self employed passionate interior designer”, is the partner of our current Governor, Jared Polis. He “is a vegan animal rights activist who has made animal welfare a main priority in his current role.” On Thursday night’s television news, he is featured speaking on “the need for the geese to have a voice in their future”.

And so, we see our children and grandchildren’s future decided by passionate interior designers and puppy tweeters. Perhaps one of those despised Dead White Males, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, foresaw the future when he said:

“Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad”

6 Responses to “The Apocalypse of the Geese”

  1. Jim groskopf says:

    I’ve read it and now I still have all this time to think about it. Bravo!

  2. Terry Todd says:

    Oh no! Not the puppy tweeters!

  3. Phil Kinney says:

    If the geese population were cut in half there would still be too many.

  4. Denver East says:

    Saw my first bald eagle in the 80’s, on the way to visit a mine in NW CO.My counterpart almost drove off the road being from back east, and I admittingly never had seen one in spite of spending 35 years in CO and outdoors alot.It was a big deal to see one back then. See them alot now.i read it was DDT
    We used to feed the geese in City Park stale white bread for entertainment as kids in the 60’s. Then i remember being a 20 something laying in a frozen ditch outside Ft Collins blasting away at them with a shotgun. Now I loathe them on the green…

  5. Judy Hoxworth says:

    Well I must say…I was one that enjoyed the challenge of the words! Admittedly there were many words in each blog I may have never heard of but…the question became could understand the meaning of the word by reading in the sentence or paragraph? Most often you can so I will miss the challenge! And no I’m not fond of geese but I do love the birds. So take down the silly worthless wind turbines. The landowner is the only one that profits from them at our expense

  6. Russell G Kyncl says:

    Perhaps we should create a new Colorado bureaucracy dedicated to relocating all the geese to Boulder, where they, and their very distant cousins the prairie dogs, are people too. We could give them voting rights so their voices could be properly accounted for and heard.

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